Unglued

I recently started attending a Growth Group at our church with some ladies on Monday nights.  We are going through a book called "Unglued; Making wise choices in the midst of raw emotions" by Lysa Turkeurst.  It could not come at a more appropriate time in my life.  Lately, it feels like all i do is yell at the kids or get frustrated.  "Clean your room!  Stop hitting your brother!  What did i just tell you?!?"  It seems I lose my patience more easily than i used to and everything my kids do drives me insane.  It was time for an intervention of my heart, and i knew it.  I am only a few weeks into the book, but it has had a profound impact already.  I knew that if I was going to change, or as the book says make "imperfect progress" (I don't need to be perfect.. i just need to make progress!)  I needed to get a hold of my emotions.  After all, emotions should not be dictators of our actions, but indicators of our emotions.  If I am being really honest, and i can be.. this is my blog.. i would say i struggle the most with my reactions and emotions when it comes to Rylie.  She somehow knows how to push every button I have.  Last night, at group, we were talking about letting God chisel away the areas in our life that are rough.  When we are being chiseled, and it hurts and is hard.. God never leaves our side.  Ever.  God cares enough about me to want to change me.  But, I have to let him do the work.  That part is hard for me.  I have to give up control and give it to Him.  After all, that is what i want anyway, right?  So often i think i am in control of my life.  I think i have it handled and then when i really mess up or life is really hard.. only then do i ask God for help.  When i am on my face on the floor begging for help.  Why do i wait for it to get to this point?  Especially when God wants to help me before i get there.  But, i have to ask.. I have to ask.  He loves me, He sees me as his child, a beautiful creation.  He offers and extends grace to me daily.  Yet, when it comes to my daughter.  My beautiful, strong, daughter.. why is it so hard for me to extend that same grace that I receive to her?  I had a heart to heart with God after our meeting and asked Him to give me His heart for Rylie.  To see her through His eyes, and to give her the attention she desires. When i start feeling frustrated, instead of yelling or losing my cool, right then and there ask God to chisel me.  The good news is.. i will have plenty of opportunities to practice this in my house.  Never a dull moment!  I don't want to look back on these years and think there was something i could do better.  I certainly do not want my kids to grow up and look back and label me out of control, or for them to fear my next explosion.  I realized yesterday that God does not label me "out of control" "a mess" "unglued" or anything like that.  I label myself those things, and because i say that to myself i start to believe the lie that that is my identity.  That I am a mess, that I lack control, that i am unglued.  When in reality, God has labeled me one thing.  His redeemed.  He chose me, and has never labeled me anything but good.  It is time to stop believing the lies that we are anything but beautiful to Him.  I know this is long, thanks for reading if you are still here.  I encourage you to pick up the book.  We can make imperfect progress together..